just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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