I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
