found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
