Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
