Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
