I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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