This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
