Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
