you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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