Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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