Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
