3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
