one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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