Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
