You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
