You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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