Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
