there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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