So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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