I need to stop coming to work sober
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Someone came in the potted fern
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
