sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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