If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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