I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
