Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
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