I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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