the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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