Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
