After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
