Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
