it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
