I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
