What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
