now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
