Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
