I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
