You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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