I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
