She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
