This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
