Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
