Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Boobs speak an international language.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Randomize
