So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
