My liver just broke up with me...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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