I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
