Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
