Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
