Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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