carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
