Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
