my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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