ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
