I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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