dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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